Mum and sis sing happy b’day feat. scented candle
I started my day exhausted. It was one of those nights where I literally didn’t get enough hours of sleep, woke up in the middle of a deep slumber and wondered why I do this to myself over and over again. Crawling out of bed and stumbling my way onto the train, I was lucky enough to board a reasonably empty train where I didn’t feel bad for taking a seat.
With my back pack on my lap, I lay my head onto the cushiony part with my hair providing a safe dark space for me to hide for however long I had left until it was time for me to enter the reality of my day. I was still half asleep. I usually try to read some sort of bible and have some sort of communion with God on train rides but this morning I could barely keep my eyes open. Head was throbbing, body was heavy. All I could muster in my mind was one word: Please.
Please, please, please God. I can’t even think properly. I feel like I’ve already wasted this day, like I’ve already lost because of my tiredness. I’m instantly more susceptible to feeling impatient, being angry, ungrateful, unmotivated and not happy. What good can come from me in this state? I can’t even fathom the possibility of ‘loving you’ or ‘loving my neighbour’. Please God, please still somehow give me the wisdom to navigate through the day in a state like this, so that I can follow you.
God has provided really awesome friends at uni so that doing Stats for 6 hours isn’t so bad.
I found our UPASS tutorial extremely hilarious because I was so confused and lost. What is ANOVA?! Sounds like some sort of galaxy far far away… What do you mean when one of the mu’s doesn’t equal mu? I don’t even remember hearing this in the lecture…!!
Grace upon grace.
Mum made a really yummy roast dinner with potatoes and pumpkin, and probably for the first time in like 10 years, made a (packet) cake for my birthday tomorrow! We video called my sister (who’s currently living in London) and chatted about life, self care and what’s been the haps. As I shared my goals for 2018 and how God has already been helping me grow this past month, and somewhere amidst a mouth full of delicious sugary floury buttery goodness and patting my dog Pepper, I realised that I was really happy and thankful. Home has not always been a happy place – it has been incredibly lonely and broken at times. But God has healed us to where we are today, and honestly, it’s a miracle. I love this little family God has blessed us with.
He loves me so much.
He is ever present – in the most ordinary of days.
(Tomorrow), I have 22 years of life to thank him for, and I know that however many days I have left…
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
I don’t know what we’re doing, but I think this is how we wave goodbye.