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When God increases your influence

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Another thing I am increasingly realising is how God is increasing my sphere of influence. Whether it be through what I’m doing at RICE or what I do online, I can see that somehow God is using me to do his work, and in the process touching the lives of many more people than I ever intended or dreamed. While this may sound like a good thing -it is actually a big struggle for me. (see my two previous posts on introversion and feeling like a mustard seed).

I’m feeling  increasingly vulnerable and somehow even more alone than I usually do (which is already very alone). I am absolutely terrified and stretched beyond my limits. I wouldn’t ask for any of this. My happy space is when I’m on the edge, unnoticed by most people and safe in the shadows. Here I can be me, hidden from the gaze of others, I can be in my own world, which admittedly is often more inside my head than around me. But God is calling me outside the boat of my comfort zone, out onto the waters-and to be honest-out into the spotlight to be seen. (Trust me. Under the harsh beams of the spotlight is the last place I want to be). When all I want to do is hide in my turtle shell, I must speak out and make Christ known.  I must declare it, I must proclaim it, and (with the aid of a trusty microphone) sing it out with all my heart. Not because I have to, but because I can do no other when God has poured his everlasting love into my heart. When the world fades away and all I see is my Lord, I find myself here. Exactly here in this time and place, to worship him with all my heart, mind and soul-for such a time as this.

 

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭14-16‬ NIV)
I am on the road to influence and I am afraid. Because influence means being seen, being big, being out there. But I don’t want any of those things, in fact I want the opposite. I want to be hidden, be small, be in here not out there. #Godhelpme #HereamI #Icandonoother
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