Jesus you’ve completely changed my life. Since knowing you, you have turned my world completely upside down. I’ve spent most of my life without you and not knowing you, there are still so many things I need to learn. I feel the burden of not being raised in a Christian family. My thinking and heart have been warped and darkened by sin for so long. Your words and way of life are so foreign to me sometimes, even if I really want to follow, there are lies and tangles of sin deep in me that draw me back from you. Lord I don’t know what to do, I can’t even cling to myself because so many things about me are simply slipping. Help me to cling to you, the rock eternal. But you can make all things new. From my heart make me your new creation, created to be like Christ in true righteousness and holiness.
I want to, but I simply cannot pretend that nothing happened. I cannot just slip back into things here and carry on business as usual. I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I don’t see things the way I used to. The people I loved are but an echo now. I can’t go back. And I just want to stop and be still, but I’ll need to move one day, otherwise I’ll just float here in limbo unable to let go of the past and embrace the wonderful future God has in store for me. Why do I find it so hard to trust my Heavenly Father? Why do I struggle to believe that He is always good? Why do I think that he is not generous, loving or willing enough to shower me with blessing. I’ve told myself that he desires my hurt as an end in itself rather than the means to greater blessings.
The first and second of February