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Struggling with singleness


It can be tough. Seeing all the cc’s* on social media. They all look so…cute, and happy, and together…and here I am-alone. With no one by my side. No one to go on dates with or hold my hand.

*cc = “cute couple” – not CC chips or Carbon Copy

I’d be lying if I said singleness isn’t something I wrestle with too. I’m pretty sure I started having “crushes” when I was in year 1-someone you admire, stare at, daydream about. It hasn’t changed too much since then tbh XP

And it’s no surprise. God kinda intended it that way. The first human relationship he ever made was not between a mum and her daughter, friends, bros or sisters. It was between a man and his wife. I think out of all human relationships, this one is the most intrinsic. (That’s why sexual sin is such a big thing…but that’s a rant for another time).

It’s simple. We all want to be loved. We want to be held, valued for who we are, to be the apple in someone’s eye. And while these longings are natural, we need to be careful how we seek to fulfil them. Finding the (nonexistent) “perfect partner” won’t satisfy these longings. Nor will anything else on earth for that matter (regardless of how many people “like” your posts on social media-this is something I need to remind myself!).

So let’s get to the crux of the issue. and I think the cross is going to help us. Why did Jesus (aka. The perfect son of God) die on a cross? Was it so you could find the perfect spouse to live happily ever after with? Not really. Jesus died on the cross so you could have a deep and intimate relationship with the best Father ever. Your Heavenly Father, who you had sinned against and ran away from. Life without him was and is never going to fill that hole in your heart. But Jesus came to bring healing to a broken and lost people. To send his personal love to you.

When we’re struggling with singleness, I think we need a shift in perspective. The most important relationship is not between between you and a potential spouse, it’s between you and your God. Even marriage is just a shadow of something much greater-the marriage of Christ and His bride-the Church. So see things from God’s eternal perspective and take heart 🙂

I want to conclude by saying this. Pls stop saying “singleness is a gift” to your single brothers and sisters. (I know Paul kinda said this but it’s a bit annoying tbh) :P. It’s not so much that “singleness is a gift”, but rather that the Son of God is a gift-single or not. And your relationship with Him means everything <3 After all, if a “happy couple” did not treasure their relationship with God above all vs. a single person who did-who has true joy in the end?

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him. – Phillippians 3:7-8

#Ramadan2016 #JesusismyPillar #Day8 –> What’s with these hashtags? Read more here.


  1. Leon Dong Leon Dong

    Great post Debbie 🙂 I think as Christians we run a lot of programs/talk a lot about “dating” and “BGR” but we never get too into detail with the reality of singleness. Yvonne and I never post any “cc” things because we think its:
    1. Maybe the wrong intention of posting (why do you need to show people how cute the relationship is or whatever)
    2. We understood the struggles of singleness and don’t believe the encouragement factor (if you ever do post couple things) outweighs how it might make others feel.

    I would say this, and I don’t know if anyone has ever brought it up; on the advice to enjoy singleness. Sort of like how seniors in high schools tell juniors to enjoy their freedom, or how Uni kids tell HSCers to enjoy year 12, we never truly understand the advice given until you have the benefit of hindsight!

    I think once you do find yourself in a relationship you begin to understand the responsibilities, time, and effort that you have to put in, and I believe with that comes the realization of the “benefits” of being single. (Of course, if hearing this is not helpful then fair enough!)

    I really liked some of the stuff you pointed to because I don’t think it gets talked enough about when we live in a world of mindless posting without being considerate of others. Pointing everything back to God is what our walk is all about, and even being in a relationship – thanks for the reminder 🙂

    • Debbswebb Debbswebb

      Hi Leon!
      thanks so much for your comment 🙂
      I really really like what you mentioned in regards to what your intention behind posting is. I believe this fundamental question can be applied to *everything* we post on social media (not just couple photos). why do we post photos/words/stuff about what we do? how does it glorify God and edify others? this is such an important question!! good call 🙂

      That is also a really good point, and I’m glad you brought it up. Definitely despite my last comment, singleness is definitely a gift in its own right, and there are benefits that are mutually exclusive to being in a relationship which Paul pointed out (aka. undivided devotion to Christ). so thanks for sharing that perspective on your end! defs helpful to keep in mind 🙂

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