How did I get here? Just a year ago everything felt so safe and secure and cosy. I had my school friends, my best friend beside me, my youth group there week in week out, the world felt small and manageable. I felt optimistic and content. I looked into the future with starry eyes and a hopeful heart.
But you weren’t content with my heart. There were things you wanted to show me that I couldn’t see if I stayed in the warm cocoon. So step by step you took me further from the land of familiar until now I find myself to have wondered so far that I couldn’t even return if I wanted to.
Somewhere along the way you’ve changed the desires and longings of my heart, you’ve started to break away the layers of sin and self that were suffocating me, and my knees have felt weak and I’ve crumbled in new humility.
Father I look around and everything is foreign. Without realising, I find myself in a place where I cannot recognise a single thing. Everything I knew is gone now, left a thousand steps behind. The only thing that keeps me going is you- the fact that you’re holding my hand and leading me home, that somehow amidst everything you have a purpose. That these steps aren’t just arbitrary and meaningless. But that in everything you are drawing me closer to yourself and conforming me to the image of your perfect son.
Do I miss them? Do I miss walking alongside them? So much my Lord. And seeing them continue to grow makes me realise how great you are but also how far the distance between us has grown.
I can’t tell if I’ve progressed or just gone backwards, but when I look-all I know is that everything is different now. I need you now more than ever, because when everything else I have known has gone, you are all I know-and Lord, I praise you because you are so beautiful.