I had just come back from a transformative trip in Israel and Jordan, and God had been affirming and speaking to me about my calling in Social Media, so I was feeling excited, motivated and ready to birth this new energy I felt inside. This rebirth energy. I had been gaining more and more clarity around how God made me and how he’s designed me to truly bless others in this lifetime – and that’s exactly what I’ve decided to build my business around.
Four days after I was back in Sydney, I had this spontaneous idea that I was going to re-launch my business THIS WEEK. I was going to do it on the 27th because I am 27 and I feel like I’m in a rebirthing moment now – and also we celebrate Easter in April, so in the future I could refer to April as “Re-birth month”. (The fact that Jesus died and rose again is the very reason why we are a new creation in the first place!)
So I made 12 pre-launch posts basically to create a bigger image on Instagram of a giant ocean wave. I already had most of the writing for my re-launch ready as God had inspired me a few months earlier with most of that. Throughout this time however, Pepper (my dog!) had started having bloody diarrhea so we had changed to a diet of chicken and rice. After a few days she was still pooing out blood so we took her to the vet and had to make some pretty quick decisions about treatment and what we’d do for the next steps. Jordan and I were weighing up our options at the vet and it took a lot of processing.
That same day, I decided to push on and finalise my wording for THE post in-between waiting for Pepper’s treatment so I could still go ahead for the 27th. When the 27th arrived, I had a coaching call in the morning (my second ever with a paid client) and I think it went really well!
Nevertheless I was gearing myself up for the re-launch, this was the day. Jordan was very sweet and said to me “Happy Re-birth day!” that morning.
And then… I finally posted it. (I had it as a saved draft by then). Straight afterwards though I realised that the preview image had no text since I had incorporated a fade in transition so I actually suddenly remade the video, removed the transitions and reposted the entire thing. Phew*
Super relieved that I had not only POSTED THE POST, but created a journey through Instastories to take people on before and afterward, I was proud of myself, tired, and in anticipation of how it would be received.
By the end of the day however, I had only gotten 4 likes on the post, and 20 views for my stories. This is significantly less than my normal / average post. (note: on average I get around 60-100 views for my stories) I was disappointed. I kept re-checking but the numbers didn’t really change. All that effort, months of preparation in the lead up writing the original thing, time and energy to launch it beautifully and well. Now you may get to this point in the story and wonder, “Is this why you were depressed?”
It did make me really discouraged 🙁 but I think reflecting back on that week, there were multiple factors at play:
- Because I was worried about Pepper feeling pain and maybe alone, I had decided to work from home Tuesday – Friday so I could be with her —> Blurred boundaries between home and work and also not experiencing any new settings = trapped feeling
- High stress around Pepper – my inner sadness and fear of losing Pepper (which has been ongoing for me) came to the surface but I was also completely out of my depth in what was best because we had no idea what was causing her the diarrhea
- High stress around the re-launch – since it was pretty spontaneous there was a lot of work and focus needed for a short period of time to make it happen
- Isolation – Usually I try to do work with friends, but it didn’t work last week, so I ended up just being in my thoughts the whole day and didn’t really talk to people throughout the day outside of work
- Still getting over my jet lag so I wasn’t sleeping as much or very well
- Possibly some spiritual attack as I legitimately feel like I’m stepping out in my calling and it was completely a faith step
This all lead to moments of teariness and sudden crying (and I’m still working through now at the time or writing this). I made a resolve on the weekend that I’d leave the house a lot more and make plans to go out to certain places and connect with people each day, try new things this week. And… so far so good (it’s only Tuesday). But wow. I realised that I can become depressed in 1 week’s time. (I don’t think I was depressed in Israel??)
I was reminded of something my psychologist said: that working from home and having your own business are two major risk factors for poor mental health ><“
I guess I am continually learning and re-learning what I need to look after myself and my mental health.
I share this – to share my journey in my business, my ministry, my calling and life. And it’s not always glamorous, I’m completely human, but God is also completely the good shepherd who guides and leads us each step of the way.
I am proud of myself for re-launching my business. I am proud of myself for persevering through despite all that was going on. I’m thankful to receive the lesson from the sudden depression that I need to go outside, adventure, and connect with the world! And… I’m proud of myself for implementing those changes the following week 🙂
P.S Praise God Pepper is feeling more energetic, happy and vibrant this week 🙂 I am so so relieved and glad. She’s not 100% better yet, but still :”)