By default, I am a very very empty person.
Well I don’t know if you can see that, in fact I’m pretty sure I spend more of my time seeming or thinking otherwise. I smile, I laugh, I can be full of energy. I do things I need to do and go about life as usual.
But I know that a lot of the time, when I stop and think, when I look into my heart, it is empty. When I think about my spirit, it is thirsty. You see, I am constantly searching for something to quench my emptiness, Facebook, friends, food, possessions, grades, approval, praise, sleep, being better, physical beauty. But after much searching, I am where I began-empty. If anything, more tired and frustrated and hurt in the process.
Yet I know that I have no need to keep thirsting, that I don’t have to keep searching. Why? Because Jesus is living water, we can drink His presence and his goodness and we are well and truly satisfied.
So why am I still empty, if I have access to springs of living water? Why do I return to broken cisterns time and time again? Because I wrestle with the sin that lives in me, distracting me from the riches of God and turning my eyes and heart and mind to everything else-everything apart from the God who satisfies.
So as a Christian, I testify that whenever I do return to my Heavenly Father- as I am, broken and empty-I have known a deep and inexpressible joy unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. An overwhelming reality of Gods love for me-his daughter, a peace that transcends all understanding, and rest, finally. Rest for my weary, wandering soul.
And at the end of the day, I can say: “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:1-4 NIV)
If only I remembered to choose Jesus always! Return o soul to your shepherd, for He will comfort and guide you all the days of your life 🙂
*see corresponding prayer in the next post