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A prayer- mixed and mellow.

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Dear God,

I don’t know why, but I just feel very…mellow. Kind of sad, kind of hopeful, kind of overwhelmed, kind of lost, kind of excited, kind of crushed, kind of tired. Kind of inspired and demotivated at the same time. I can sense myself rummaging among the idols to distract myself from this strange feeling welling up inside my heart. I want social interaction. I want meaning. I want wonder and awe. I want to be a part of something big and beautiful. And I have searched (and search) in all the places other than you. I do not search for you. I do not return to you. I have left the home of your heart only to decide that the journey beyond your walls is better than the one within. God I am full of sin, and my heart is so prone to wonder, I feel it so much. Father God, when will I realise that nothing on this earth could satisfy the hunger of my soul? Nothing but your presence. Father I am a child who forgets who my father is. Please help me to remember. ><

I feel so so so so so so so so incredibly overwhelmed. :”( Your call on my life is so big that I can’t deny it even if I tried to, because people (your saints) around me are calling it out over me everywhere I go. I can’t escape your calling on my life. What if it is too big and wonderful and scary for me? God I am small and your purposes are too big for me to fathom. I’ve seen you God, I know that you are big and glorious and majestic and amazing and profound!!! But now I am seeing that same glory inside myself, working in my life, in the very fabric of my being, and I am overwhelmed. The King of heaven and earth is living out his purposes inside and through me. I can’t handle it God >< :”(

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

– Isaiah 55:8-9

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