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Life after becoming a Christian.

Dream Night

Image by Christy Chan. Genesis Dream Night June 2016.

So often we hear testimonies of how people became Christian (which is awesome!), but what happens afterwards?

This is my story of life after accepting Christ.


Before my life was “big”, it was small. Very small.

My world was just me and God – and that was all I had. It was like the world was a bubble – empty space wrapped in His presence and removed from everything else. And this became my comfort zone and my sanctuary. Here I learned the fragility and temporality of human relationships and the consistency of a friendship with God.

I didn’t “do” much – other than studying occasionally. I spent my days cloud watching and admiring nature, having picnics with my dog Pepper and capturing moments on my camera. I journaled, read the bible and listened to music – I learned the art of solitude and just being – surrounded by the presence of God.
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Once I was home from school, I basically didn’t talk to other people. No one was home anyway – other than our house keeper at the time who came later in the afternoon. “Back then” I didn’t have a smart phone and social media was less of a thing, although I would occasionally chat to friends on MSN. 😂

Thus my inner world was my outer world and one shaped my experience of the other.

And now…

The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭13:31-32‬

(Read: Confessions of a mustard seed from March 2016)

I don’t really know how I got here. Somewhere along the journey, God broke me, healed me, and took me by the hand – gently leading me out of this shell that had become my home. He showed me that he put gifts inside me that he wanted me to use for him – but that would mean stepping out in faith. I would have to speak when I want to stay quiet, I would have to be seen out in the open when I want to hide, I would have to lead and love people when I want to isolate myself. I would have to trust Him with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.

Each step I would be afraid, I wouldn’t want to do it, but his gentle spirit guides me. He is patient with me, he honours my obedience and does much with my little faith.

And honestly now I still can’t believe I’m here. It is all so surreal – why do people know who I am? Why do I have influence? Why do my statuses and posts get so many “likes” from people I barely talk to? How did I get to know so many people? Why is my influence growing? I’m afraid. I don’t ask for this – it is not something I seek. I’m barely outgoing, extroverted or sociable. I probably have an average of 1-2 conversations per social event.

Nothing has changed – I still want to hide. I want to slip into the shadows – a quiet observer on the edge whose presence or absence goes by unnoticed. Where I don’t make a particular difference and nothing would change if I just disappeared. This is where I feel I belong – but this is not the place God calls me to be. He has something much better, (and more scary) in mind…

Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:28-29

Dear God,

Take my life and use me as you desire.
Let me be a messenger for your word, and my voice for the building up of your Church.

I want to see your Kingdom come here on this earth.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Amen

 

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