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D R E A M E R

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I think God made me to be a dreamer, is that bad?
The answer is,
of course not.
But too often I have wasted time
condemning
judging
disliking
myself for it
feeling that such a thing is
not ‘productive’
‘slow’
‘inefficient’
a luxury
a dream
I should wake up from
snapping my senses into ‘reality’

But what is that?
why?
satan
I have allowed you to intimidate me
at the door step for too long
I’m not moving this time
now flee.

I believe
that my ‘job’
my part in the body of Christ
is to be inspired
and to inspire
But
I cannot inspire
if I do not allow myself to be inspired
Thus
the slow mornings
the time spent in solitude
the journalling
immersing myself in music and God
thoughts
and feelings
which I don’t have the urge to run from
but to embrace
if it’s sadness
then let me feel the depth of it
if it’s being in love
then let it be

I also cannot inspire
if I withdraw myself from community
Here I’ve wrestled time and time again
believing the lie that I’d be happier by myself
that it’d be better
more comfortable
easier
safer even
less burdensome
removed
but here
on the edges
sometimes
my courage shrinks
my greatest fears
tower over me
my awareness of my weakness
cripples me
the lies grip around my heart
and my ability to draw the sword of truth
is not enough

Perhaps
I am designed to be so much more
connected
with heaven above
and earth around me
than I’ve ever known
than I’ve been brave enough to know
for what is ‘Immanuel’
but God
himself
with
us
?

Lord I’ve caused too many blockages
from heaven above
to earth around me
I’m meant to be a vessel
but I’ve said no so many times
I’ve listened to what is not true
I’ve chosen what seems safer

I know
I was created
to think beyond
to see things
in a unique way
to express myself
creatively
I’m an artist
and I’ve believed too long
that different is bad
when different
is not just good
but necessary
and beautiful

so maybe it’s time
to show others what I see
even if it is spaces
they have never seen before
never heard of before
new
and a bit uncomfortable
and strange even
because maybe
that’s the point

maybe I’m not meant to be the one
‘doing’ it all
as if I have to prove myself
by executing my ideas
start to finish
alone
maybe that’s where you come in
the body of Christ
I have always seen
admired
and been inspired
by the vast and unique ways
God has made people
that’s why I call it out
for I feel
it is genuinely so amazing
that God has gifted you
in these ways

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